Islamic Motivation- Things to do after a break-up

Assalammualaikum dear readers,


In this entry I would like to venture into this interesting yet mysterious topic. So, after a break-up, what happens to you?


Whoever has went through a break-up will understand the pain and the hurtful feeling. But, of course it depends on who asked for a break-up.


The first thing to do after a break-up is to repent to Allah The Almighty.

Why?

Repenting will cleanse your soul. Cry your heart out to Allah and complain to Him about your sadness. Tell Allah that you will not repeat the same mistake of being in a haraam relationship. Why is having a romantic relationship before marriage is haraam in Islam?

First of all, what is Haraam?

I am not that well-versed to explain from a Quranic point of view, but I can explain it in the simplest manner that even someone who has never heard of Islam could understand. That is, Haraam is when something you do or say harms you and others. When there is an element of harmfulness, hurtfulness and degradation, that's what Haraam is. For example, if you bought an expensive mobile phone and you found out that the phone is not working like what it has been advertised for, you knew that you have been cheated and that seller is doing something haraam. The seller has lied and it costs you your money and your hopes, isn't it very hurtful? Or, a fruit seller adjusted his or her weighing scale in order to cheat customers, that is haraam.


In a romantic relationship, couples tend to do things that they should not do. This is a fact.

Why? When 2 people are together in private, there is a 3rd person, and that is the Shaytaan. No one is spared. Even if you are a religious person, you need to be careful not to be in this situation.


Example on the things couples normally do like hugging, touching and and the things that married couples does. When there is a break-up, almost all the time the blame will go to the girl or the girl will get a bad name. I do not know if there is a society who blames only the guy for leaving a girl especially if the girl is pregnant. So, being in a romantic relationship before marriage brings more harm and it degrades the image and honour of a girl or a guy.


So, breakups mean sadness and misery. If you allow yourself drown in your misery, you will die as you fill your body cells with negativity and it slowly kills you. Why on earth would you want to die for someone who left you? That person left. Never meant for you and that person belongs to someone who is just like him or her. Perhaps, your values and principles differ.


Yes, you cannot control the person who left, but you can control on how you react towards the break-up. You can choose to live miserably or get right up and be a better person.


So, how do you know if your repentance is accepted by Allah?

You feel calm, your outlook changed and you become a better person. You tend to do what Allah asks you to do. You take good care of yourself, your family and the people around you.


Secondly, admit the fact that you were part responsible of the break-up.

Admitting the fact that you were part responsible will help you to get through the break-up quickly. You accept the fact that you did few major mistakes and you take the responsibility. The longer you blame your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend for the breakup, the longer you will suffer.

There is nothing wrong crying over a break-up as it helps to release the hurtful feeling and it will make you feel better. But, remember do not let yourself drown for too long as it will harm your health and it will get your family and those who love you worried.


Lastly, pick yourself up and please Allah The Almighty, you will be happy.

Remember, that person left because he or she decided to do so. You cannot control that. Come on, while you were in the relationship, you already knew there were red flags. You knew something was not right and perhaps you were having second thoughts. Be grateful that the guy or girl did you a favour by leaving.

Never feel like you're never going to be good enough for anyone. You will meet someone who is good enough for you and you're good enough for him or her. That is when both parties will work together to make it happen.


Pray to Allah that the right one will come quickly. The right one is the one who loves Allah. To meet the right person, you need to have a good heart and you need to be like the one you want to be with. If you want him or her to be righteous, you need to be one too. If you want the right one to be respectful, you need to be respectful too. Remember, if he or she doesn't respect you, how could he or she loves you for the sake of Allah?


Being single is far better than being in a haraam relationship. You might ask how on earth would you know is the person is the right one if you don't go out and date and get to know each other well?

You broke-up even when you your ex knew so much about you and you know so much about your ex. You broke-up even when you have dated for quite some time and you thought that the relationship was going to have a happy ending and that is marriage.

So, to get new results, you need to go back to the best strategy. That is, the strategy that Allah The Almighty has mentioned in the Noble Quran and the Prophet Muhammad's advice on finding your soulmate. Of course, coupling is never in it.
So, remember, pick yourself up for the sake of Allah. He gives you life, every breath you take belongs to Him. Everything you have belongs to Him.

There are many more tips on how to move-on after a break-up, but I stop here and will resume in the next entry. Stay tuned. Thanks for reading and I hope what I wrote will in a way help you to move-on and be a better Muslim or a better person.



"Finding your soulmate is a journey, not a race"- Suffiya Rose




Written by Suffiya Rose

All Rights Reserved 2018

You'll know that you have found the one when you have these...

Bila dua jiwa ditakdirkan bersatu..

Ebook bertajuk Enjoy! Kembara Bertemu Bahagia by Suffiya Rose. Ebook ini membantu para pencari jodoh dengan tip-tip atau panduan untuk kekal bahagia,positif dan yakin. Baik dalam pencarian atau penantian. Panduan ringkas yang dipenuhi illustrasi ini akan diterbitkan secepat mungkin. Nantikan kemunculannya!

Raya time!!

Raya is about togetherness.

let's celebrate Raya with love and gratitude....

getting ready to beraya!

myself and my twin sis...

my sisters...

smile!!!!

nice background..

say keju...

my lovely mum..

learning to snap pictures!

i could use this pic as a postcard...hehe

Teacher's Day @ Imperia Insitute of Technology

We also had Teacher's day. How to describe it? Happy, fun, crazy, funny and cheeky!

On that day, I performed a number titled L.O.V.E by Nat King Cole, but it was without music, just myself singing from the top of my lungs.

It started out with a brief speech by the President of Student Council, Mr Chong Ching Hua. It was a heartfelt speech dedicated to the teachers. Thanks Mr. President!

Imperia Nation

In the above picture, I am standing beside the President himself. He and his fellow committee members has done a splendid job!

smile!

in the hall...while waiting for the event to commence..

John and Michelle busy putting make-up on Mr. Saiful's face...poor guy...huhu

let's throw the balloons!!! with committee members of the student council, they have carried out quite an effort!

flowers from my students..

 The students were so thoughtful, I received gifts of chocolates and flowers. Really appreciate it!

beautiful notes from the heart..

chocs of love...

yay!

I was voted for the 'Most Beautiful Teacher in Imperia'. Never in my wildest dream I would get such an award. I still couldn't believe it!!! Anyways, thanks for voting for me!!!

such a peculiar award for a teacher...heheheh

I would like to congratulate the Student Council of Imperia Institute of Technology for the success of making Teacher's Day a reality! Superb and job well done!


by Michael Rose 2012

Anda wanita 30-an dan masih single? Berbahagialah kerana..

Entri kali ini hanya ditujukan kepada anda yang memang berhajat, berhasrat dan berniat untuk berumahtangga serta berusaha dan berdoa bersungguh-sungguh dalam menemukan jodoh demi untuk memenuhi tuntutan Agama.

Saya bukanlah seorang ilmuan, ustazah atau ahli falsafah. Oleh itu, kupasan saya kali ini datangnya dari hati seorang manusia yang bersungguh-sungguh untuk menjadi seorang Muslim yang lebih baik dari sehari ke sehari. Oleh itu, sekiranya anda seperti saya, marilah kita mengupas topik ini:-

Wanita seperti kita seringkali di stereotaip kan sebagai wanita yang:-

1. Terlalu memilih

    Mungkin ramai yang mahukan kita tetapi kita mahukan yang terbaik dan terhebat. Kita bukan terlalu memilih, tetapi mencari yang sepadan dan secocok serta sekufu. Masakan jika buah pinang dibelah, sebelah lagi buah oren, mestilah pinang juga, betul tak?

2. Terlalu berkerjaya dan bergaji tinggi.

Dikatakan kerjaya yang bergaji beribu-ribu ringgit sebulan membuatkan kita memandang orang lain tidak sehebat kita. Yang orang tidak tahu, bila kita berjadi besar, tanggungjawab juga sangat besar. Tidak akan suka-suka berbelanja membuta tuli tak tentu hala. Duit kalau susah dapat, tidak mudah dibelanjakan.

3. Terlalu cerdik. 

Dikatakan kalau terlalu cerdik, nanti sisuami tidak boleh mengawal dan menguruskan isteri.

4. Terlalu cantik. 

Dikatakan wanita yang terlalu cantik tidak dapat menarik cinta kerana ramai lelaki diluar sana yang mempunyai rupa paras yang biasa-biasa sahaja. Jadinya, susah hendak dipadankan.

5. Tidak laku (ini paling menggelikan hati)

Adakah wanita yang belum berkahwin atau berpunya itu seperti barang jualan langsung? Dia dinilai dengan semakin ramai downline, semakin kaya atau semakin laku? Inilah dikatakan pemikiran sampah yang tidak boleh dikitar semula.

6. Tidak cukup berusaha.

Jika jodoh dikatakan harus diusahakan secukupnya, mengapa ada orang yang bertemu jodoh kerana terserempak atau bertemu di dalam lif? Di klinik, di hospital atau dimana-mana sahaja, jatuh cinta dan seterusnya menikah.

Paling menggelikan hati apabila ramai orang mengatakan kita harus berusaha bersungguh-sungguh untuk mencari jodoh tetapi sukar untuk memberikan tip-tip yang praktikal dalam mencari jodoh.Bagaimana yang dikatakan BERSUNGGUH-SUNGGUH dalam pencarian jodoh itu?

Apakah disebabkan kita sudah berumur 30-an, kita harus merayu-rayu dan mendesak seseorang untuk menjadi pasangan kita? adakah dengan memperagakan diri kita di mana-mana pesta, keramaian, kedai kopi, bersidai di shopping complex, keluar dengan entah mana-mana lelaki yang tidak tentu hala dikatakan berusaha? Adakah dengan bertukar-tukar pasangan dikatakan laku dan saham tinggi itu mengikut kehendak Allah?

Anda fikirlah sendiri.

Tapi saya tidak hairan dan saya maafkan akan kecaman masyarakat yang mengatakan orang seperti kita begitu begini. Ini kerana tiada siapa pun didalam masyarakat itu mengenali diri kita sebenarnya, apa yang kita lalui dan apa yang kita tempuhi, oleh itu mengapa kita harus berkecil hati dengan apa yang dikatakan tentang kita? Asalkan hubungan kita dengan Pencipta kita sentiasa baik dan bahagia, sudah memadai...lupakan yang lain...

 Pendapat saya, sekiranya kita ingin menemukan jodoh tetapi dengan cara yang mengundang kemarahan Allah subhanawataala, lupakan saja lah. Ini kerana, secara peribadi saya yakin yang JODOH PERTEMUAN itu tentukan oleh Allah. Hanya Allah yang tahu.

Mari kita tukar cara kita berfikir.

Sekiranya anda wanita yang masih single dan sudah berumur 30-an, berbahagialah!!!

 Ini adalah kerana:-

1. Anda berpeluang untuk terus-menerus mendapat pahala kerana Berdoa tanpa henti.

   Cuba anda bayangkan pahala yang anda perolehi demi kerana anda bersabar dengan ujian belum bertemu jodoh anda? Jika anda telah berdoa selama 6-8 tahun, teruskan berdoa. Memang memenatkan tetapi jangan pernah berhenti! Tidakkah anda perasan bahawa lebih lama anda bersabar, kelihatan anda menjadi lebih bersabar? Kita di uji dengan pelbagai ujian hidup. Elemen yang membuatkan kita masih bertahan ialah kesabaran. Bersyukurlah anda diuji dengan kesabaran menunggu jodoh anda datang, orang lain diuji dengan kesabaran belum mempunyai anak, penyakit kronik, kemusnahan harta benda dan sebagainya.

2. Anda tidak berpacaran membuta tuli, maka anda mengundang redha Allah subhanawataala.

Terdapat satu pandangan masyarakat yang merosakkan. Ini kerana mereka berpendapat bahawa untuk menemukan jodoh, wanita dan lelaki haruslah berpacaran, try testing, test drive dan sebagainya. Apa? ingat kita ini kereta ke? Dikatakan kita harus berkenalan dan keluar berdating selama berbulan-bulan atau bertahun-tahun, barulah dikatakan boleh berumahtangga. Bagaimana pula dengan nenek moyang kita? Mereka tidak pernah berjumpa dengan pasangan masing-masing sebelum berkahwin, tetapi bahagia. Buktinya kewujudan kita dimuka bumi ini adalah dengan kebahagiaan hidup mereka itu. 

Juga, pendapat yang biasa kita dengar ialah berpacaran boleh membuatkan kita saling faham-memahami, kenal-mengenali, yakin-meyakini. Realitinya, ramai yang bercinta setengah pengsan sebelum kahwin, tetapi setelah berkahwin berlumba-lumba pula hendak bercerai. Saya pernah mendengar dicorong radio tentang statistik perceraian di Selangor, 42% pasangan Muslim yang bercerai adalah yang umur perkahwinan yang kurang dari 5 tahun. Cuba bayangkan.

3. Anda dapat mengenali dan membina keyakinan diri anda.

Apabila anda yakin diri, anda yakin anda dapat membahagiakan bakal suami anda. Itu sudah pasti.

Ini kerana anda sudah tahu kekuatan yang anda ada dan anda tahu kekuatan bakal suami yang bagaimana dapat melengkapkan diri anda. 

Yakin diri adalah hasih dari kerendahan hati kita. Kita faham akan kekuatan dan kelemahan kita dan kita sedar kita memerlukan Allah disetiap waktu dan saat. Kita tahu setiap nafas, langkah dan detik jantung kita adalah pemberian Allah, Pencipta kita. Oleh itu apabila kita yakin diri, kita juga yakin Allah akan memakbulkan doa kita.

4. Anda dapat menjaga ibu bapa dan adik-beradik anda lebih lama lagi.

Sambil berusaha bersungguh-sungguh dan menunggu hasil penemuan jodoh kita, kita dapat menikmati kasih sayang ibu bapa dan adik beradik kita  secara total.

Memang anda belum bertemu jodoh, tetapi anda tidak pernah kurang kasih sayang keluarga dan teman-teman anda. Mengapa perlu bersedih hanya kerana belum bertemu dengan jodoh anda?

5. Anda dapat menimba lebih banyak ilmu sebagai persediaan perkahwinan dan berkeluarga.

Kita masih boleh lagi menjadikan cerita-cerita dan pengalaman-pengalaman perkahwinan kawan-kawan kita, ahli keluarga kita dan kenalan-kenalan kita sebagai tauladan dan pengajaran. Semua yang baik boleh diaplikasikan dan semua yang tidak baik boleh dijadikan tauladan untuk menjadi bekal dalam kehidupan rumahtangga kita nanti. Kita masih ada masa mencari ilmu tentang bagaimana menjadi isteri dan teman yang baik buat bakal suami kita nanti. Kita akan jadi tahu tentang tanggungjawab kita sebagai isteri dan apa tanggungjawab bakal suami kita.

6. Anda masih boleh berangan-angan akan rupa paras dan personaliti bakal suami.
Ini yang paling best. Kita masih boleh berfantasi sedikit mengenai rupa paras bakal jodoh kita nanti. Tetapi ingat, kemungkinan besar rupa paras jodoh kita saling tak tumpah macam rupa paras kita juga. Anda tak percaya? Melalui pemerhatian peribadi saya sendiri, hasil dari pemerhatian di shopping complex, pasaraya besar dan di taman-taman rekreasi, hampir kesemua pasangan kelihatan hampir sama atau mempunyai iras yang sama.

Ada pasangan yang wanitanya sangat cantik, di gandingkan dengan lelaki yang sangat kacak. Ada pasangan yang selekeh sama selekeh, kemas sama kemas, sama tinggi, sama iras senyumannya, sama seliparnya, sama jenis t-shirt nya. Persamaan boleh dilihat dengan jelas dari sudut fizikal. Mungkin anda akan kata ada juga wanita yang jelita, tetapi pasangannya Masyaalah tak hensemnya. Anda jangan tertipu, ada wanita yang suka ber make-up tebal dan glamour, cuba anda bayangkan sekiranya tanpa make-up, wanita itu pasti kelihatan tidak jauh paras rupanya dari pasangannya yang tak hensem itu. :)
 

Baiklah, mungkin kita semua pernah bercinta tetapi cinta kita yang dahulu sangat singkat dan tidak kesampaian. Kita hanyalah manusia yang tidak lekang dari berbuat dosa dan melakukan kesilapan. Kadang-kadang kita tersalah langkah atau tersalah kata juga. Tetapi, apa yang paling penting sekarang ialah kita SENTIASA BERUSAHA MENJADI MUSLIMAH YANG LEBIH BAIK di mata Allah Subhanawataala jika kita ingin dijodohkan dengan lelaki idaman kita. Memang bukan kerja mudah tetapi kita tidak ada pilihan lain, kita harus merayu-rayu, merintih, mengadu dan menangis meminta pertolongan Allah untuk bertemu jodoh.Setiap hari didalam solat kita, kita merayu Allah didalam bacaan surah Al-Fatihah, 'Hanya Allah Tuhan yang disembah dan hanya pada Allah kita meminta pertolongan'. Hanya minta tolong dari Allah.

Untuk kita meraih cinta bakal suami yang Soleh, kita haruslah meraih cinta Allah dahulu. Barulah Allah akan menghantar dan menemukan suami idaman kita itu.

Yang terakhir sekali, kita harus menikmati proses pencarian jodoh kita itu. Pada saya, proses mencari dan menemukan itu sangat menyeronokkan. Kita berkenalan, menganalisa, menafsir, memadan dan mengenalpasti. Doa saya untuk anda diluar sana dan juga untuk diri saya ajar kita semua ditemukan dengan jodoh yang mana hatinya terpaut pada Allah dan mencintai dia membuatkan kita lebih mencintai Allah Subhanawataala.

Jangan lupa, berbaik sangka pada Allah! 'and Remember Allah is Amazing and He will send us amazing husbands!!!!' Ameen....


Hakmilik Terpelihara Rosita Arman Michael 2012

 

Which race do i belong to?

Am I a malay? Chinese? Indian? Or a mix of those 3 races?

Often me and my sisters face the same problem every time we fill up a form, be it any form. When it comes to identify our race, it is either malay, chinese, indian or LAIN-LAIN (others, btw is there such a race?)…what lain-lain? I just could not ‘tick’ either race. 

Why is that so? If I were to put malay, then would upset my father, on the other hand if I put chinese or indian, I don’t look like chinese or indian and my mum would feel upset too.

Few times when my schoolmates ( I was very young and I was not in Hijab) as well as my  clients (way back when I was involved in Real Estate industry) wished me Happy Deepavali, or Chinese New Year or Merry Christmas face to face or over the phone. I could not blame them as it is due to my name as well as the way I speak.

At home, in my father's presence, me and my sisters will switch our spoken language from Malay to English and when we converse with our mum we would switch back to Malay (just like chameleons switching colours). People say myself and my sisters look like Eurasians, this is due to the fact that we do look like we’re of mixed parentage.

I do not identify myself as a Bumiputra as we know in our country, identification of one's race solely depends on the father's race. I received a letter saying that I am not qualified to apply for ASB  as  'Kebumiputraan anda diragui'.. you see...my father is of mixed parentage chinese and indian whilst my mum is a malay.

I grew up in a family where we define ourselves being Muslims first, therefore which race we belong to does not matter. My parents share the same values, where we believe that identifying oneself to certain race does not give us any advantage,  we know that sole dependence in ALLAH (s.w.t) gives us the best advantage in life. 

Nonetheless, I love the fact that I am of mixed parentage. I enjoy the beauty of the 3 worlds, Malay, Chinese and Indian. I enjoy a wider perspective! You know people say that love is blind and it is colourless.

My point is that, in our country, there are thousands of Malaysians who are just like myself where we come from a family of mixed parentage. Furthermore, inter race marriage has become a norm and for the future kids of our country, identifying oneself to a certain race group will eventually be a problem. 

Perhaps someday, whatever forms that we need to fill up will have a race column with one 'bangsa', which is bangsa Malaysia.

You might agree or disagree, I am not in position to say what is right or what is wrong. My writings are solely based on my personal experience.

Wassalam.

Hakmilik Terpelihara Rosita Arman Michael 2012

 

what is Jihad?

Jihad, a word which often wrongly perceived
Jihad, when people heard of the word, they feel threatened of an idea they cant conceived
Jihad, for all what it really means is fight for a good fight

Taking care of your mother and father
Being there for your sister and brother
Keeping an eye, protect each other
from lurking danger
that's what we call a fight for a good fight
Daily struggle just to put food on the table
that is a fight for a good fight
carry out righteous deeds with all your might
that is a fight for a good fight

the smallest of things
you cant imagine the happiness it brings
when you constantly striving yourself in improving
that's Jihad, a fight for a good fight....





Hakcipta Terpelihara Rosita Arman Michael 2011