Islamic Motivation- Things to do after a break-up

Assalammualaikum dear readers,


In this entry I would like to venture into this interesting yet mysterious topic. So, after a break-up, what happens to you?


Whoever has went through a break-up will understand the pain and the hurtful feeling. But, of course it depends on who asked for a break-up.


The first thing to do after a break-up is to repent to Allah The Almighty.

Why?

Repenting will cleanse your soul. Cry your heart out to Allah and complain to Him about your sadness. Tell Allah that you will not repeat the same mistake of being in a haraam relationship. Why is having a romantic relationship before marriage is haraam in Islam?

First of all, what is Haraam?

I am not that well-versed to explain from a Quranic point of view, but I can explain it in the simplest manner that even someone who has never heard of Islam could understand. That is, Haraam is when something you do or say harms you and others. When there is an element of harmfulness, hurtfulness and degradation, that's what Haraam is. For example, if you bought an expensive mobile phone and you found out that the phone is not working like what it has been advertised for, you knew that you have been cheated and that seller is doing something haraam. The seller has lied and it costs you your money and your hopes, isn't it very hurtful? Or, a fruit seller adjusted his or her weighing scale in order to cheat customers, that is haraam.


In a romantic relationship, couples tend to do things that they should not do. This is a fact.

Why? When 2 people are together in private, there is a 3rd person, and that is the Shaytaan. No one is spared. Even if you are a religious person, you need to be careful not to be in this situation.


Example on the things couples normally do like hugging, touching and and the things that married couples does. When there is a break-up, almost all the time the blame will go to the girl or the girl will get a bad name. I do not know if there is a society who blames only the guy for leaving a girl especially if the girl is pregnant. So, being in a romantic relationship before marriage brings more harm and it degrades the image and honour of a girl or a guy.


So, breakups mean sadness and misery. If you allow yourself drown in your misery, you will die as you fill your body cells with negativity and it slowly kills you. Why on earth would you want to die for someone who left you? That person left. Never meant for you and that person belongs to someone who is just like him or her. Perhaps, your values and principles differ.


Yes, you cannot control the person who left, but you can control on how you react towards the break-up. You can choose to live miserably or get right up and be a better person.


So, how do you know if your repentance is accepted by Allah?

You feel calm, your outlook changed and you become a better person. You tend to do what Allah asks you to do. You take good care of yourself, your family and the people around you.


Secondly, admit the fact that you were part responsible of the break-up.

Admitting the fact that you were part responsible will help you to get through the break-up quickly. You accept the fact that you did few major mistakes and you take the responsibility. The longer you blame your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend for the breakup, the longer you will suffer.

There is nothing wrong crying over a break-up as it helps to release the hurtful feeling and it will make you feel better. But, remember do not let yourself drown for too long as it will harm your health and it will get your family and those who love you worried.


Lastly, pick yourself up and please Allah The Almighty, you will be happy.

Remember, that person left because he or she decided to do so. You cannot control that. Come on, while you were in the relationship, you already knew there were red flags. You knew something was not right and perhaps you were having second thoughts. Be grateful that the guy or girl did you a favour by leaving.

Never feel like you're never going to be good enough for anyone. You will meet someone who is good enough for you and you're good enough for him or her. That is when both parties will work together to make it happen.


Pray to Allah that the right one will come quickly. The right one is the one who loves Allah. To meet the right person, you need to have a good heart and you need to be like the one you want to be with. If you want him or her to be righteous, you need to be one too. If you want the right one to be respectful, you need to be respectful too. Remember, if he or she doesn't respect you, how could he or she loves you for the sake of Allah?


Being single is far better than being in a haraam relationship. You might ask how on earth would you know is the person is the right one if you don't go out and date and get to know each other well?

You broke-up even when you your ex knew so much about you and you know so much about your ex. You broke-up even when you have dated for quite some time and you thought that the relationship was going to have a happy ending and that is marriage.

So, to get new results, you need to go back to the best strategy. That is, the strategy that Allah The Almighty has mentioned in the Noble Quran and the Prophet Muhammad's advice on finding your soulmate. Of course, coupling is never in it.
So, remember, pick yourself up for the sake of Allah. He gives you life, every breath you take belongs to Him. Everything you have belongs to Him.

There are many more tips on how to move-on after a break-up, but I stop here and will resume in the next entry. Stay tuned. Thanks for reading and I hope what I wrote will in a way help you to move-on and be a better Muslim or a better person.



"Finding your soulmate is a journey, not a race"- Suffiya Rose




Written by Suffiya Rose

All Rights Reserved 2018

Swith on the right intend, then focus and finally excel!

Took this pic with my new camera, i'm lovin it

Life is just like being in the container filled with coloured balls in the above picture. We will encounter different colours with different patterns throughout our lives. 

What's important is how we face and react to situation and people around us. 

Today's topic is to explore the meaning of 'What you focus expands, so focus on what you want'.

True, we don't always get what we want , but we do get what we want if we spend time long enough to see the desired results to come to picture. It's just like planting seeds, we need to water it and wait patiently. The rest is in Allah's  (The Lord of the Worlds) hands. The key ingredient here is FOCUS, be it in our work, relationships and studies.

At work, we always complaint about not being treated the way we should be treated. Also, we tend to hate and despise the people and our surroundings. We drag ourselves to work thinking on how to just to survive the day. We carry out idle talks, gossiping and whining, looking at other people's mistakes and flaws. Again, at work we focus on others instead of FOCUSING on our tasks and responsibilities. 

My work by nature requires me to do a lot of thinking, contemplating, observing and analysing. That's what  Lecturers do, filling up our heads with information and knowledge to be transferred to students. We Lecturers have to think 15 steps ahead in order to equipped ourselves, (it's funny when one of the Human Resource Personnel was curious and asked me why I do not mingle around with others and always keep to myself most of the time).  Don't get me wrong, I am not an anti-social person, in fact I am a strong Sanguine and Choleric in nature (remember 4 temperaments?) I do mingle around, I chat and spend some time with students. My students are all intelligent people and I love them.

Everyday I  FOCUS on my lectures and constantly reminding myself on my MISSION and VISION while carrying out my work. Yes, I do face challenges and some small issues as I am currently teaching 2 new subjects. However, I manage to carry out my work although it is moving quite slowly, yet it moves. 

My point is to give ourselves a chance to FOCUS and see how things move, wait a little bit longer and put our trust in Allah The Lord of the Worlds.

Just like when we blow balloons, it needs the right amount of air to be blown in order for it to bloat the right size. We human beings tend to give up easily when things do not come our way. Have you ever met those who love to start new things enthusiastically just to stop half way when their interest faded? I am sure we have, even we ourselves do the same sometimes right?

In relationships, nowadays we see that people changing life partners, boyfriends and girlfriends easily. Divorce rates are on the rise, not only in Malaysia, but it is a global epidemic.

Why is it so? Those in relationships tend to focus on faults of others. Instead, they should FOCUS on how to work things out. You might think I am being an idealist instead of realist.  It has become a norm and widely accepted that when there is a problem, the easiest way out for those in relationships is to breakup, or running away like cowards, broadcasting to the whole world that they have become victims, whining and crying, embracing self-pity lifestyle. Sad isn't it?

Believe me, I have seen and met these kind of people, they think the whole world is against them.  

 

Yes, any relationship can be mended or fixed if we FOCUS long enough to find ways to solve problems. A person with  pure heart and intentions sees problems as opportunities to polish a relationship so that it can be shinier and makes the love stronger.

How to make things work if you yourself are unsure and confused? Easy. Ask ALLAH, He will give you the answers. Don't expect immediate answers, wait for a while and slowly yet surely the answers will come and you will know it. You just know it.

In studies, we tend to complaint too much. Not enough time to complete our assignments when what we do most of the time is spending idle talks in social networks, stalking others, reading narcissistic self-proclaimed incredible people, self-proclaimed angels and devils and hardcore whiners and complainers status. Thanks to Allah, I have liberated myself by shutting my fb totally, freedom at last. Free from reading whiners and complainers status who are disappointed with their lives and yet not doing anything about it. Believe me, whiners and complainers will remain in the same exact situation even in 15 years from now.

Back to focus on studies, students normally focus on how to get good marks without putting any effort. Perhaps you will disagree, but this is based on my observation and experience. Let's say in two days is the dateline to submission of assignments, students will start doing it today. They will crazily find information just to copy and paste it in their assignments.  A Lecturer spots or identifies 'copied and pasted assignment works' just like a chameleon spots a dangerous situation and changes its colour immediately. 

FOCUS should be on the process of carrying out the assignment. A good assignment does not lie in the hundreds of information gathered and typed, but rather in the arrangements and making some meaning out of it.

Students should find meaning in attending lectures and tutorials. Most of the time, they tend to drag themselves as though being forced . However, I am lucky as my students are not of those type of people. They seem to enjoy my classes ( I would want to believe that..smiling).

My point is no matter where we study or who we mingle around with, the most important thing is to know on what to focus on. Once we know our focus, we will be able to prioritise. As simple as that.

So, be it in relationships, work or studies, if we FOCUS on the right things and long enough, there is a guarantee that we will reap benefits rather than asking ourselves 'what ifs' when we stop or giving-up too soon. That's what it means by 'What you focus on expands, so focus on what you want'.

You might agree or disagree, but my main intention is to share and remind everyone including myself that what we focus will lead us somewhere, In Sha Allah a better place.

Remember : if you are somewhere, you are everywhere, but if you are everywhere, you are nowhere-Rumi.

Hakmilik Terpelihara Rosita Arman Michael 2012.